I like whitespace.
I think the Mormon missionaries just used a helicopter hovering over my house to lure me out, where they pounced. They’re getting clever.
Neil Young concert at my house! Ok, it’s just me singing along to Harvest Moon on my porch while drinking Manhattan’s, but still.
RT @RealTimeWWII: Hitler has been told of Rudolf Hess's defection to Britain on 1-man "peace mission"- Hitler reacting with "incoherent shr…
Tonight I, or the guy I was sitting next to at the bar (I’m not sure who they meant), was called ‘pure sex’. #blessed #lovemylife #Benghazi
More like mullet of fashion RT @ryankendrick: @Jebro RT @jcpenney: Jorts: the sporks of fashion? http://t.co/TGrtk3NTET
“Will you lead the toast for our party?” Me: “Sure” “Great, you’ll be going on right after a Nobel prize winning economist we’re honoring.”
My cabie clipped a cyclist on the way to PDT, so that’s a bummer. http://t.co/jqEZZgGRqg
There are a lot of drunk people in Hell’s Kitchen right now for a Thursday night. I might be one of them.
- Son: Dad, why are all your pictures blurry and weird colors?
- Me: Because that's the way we liked them. They were "vintage" looking.
- Son: That's dumb.
- Me: You're dumb, son.
Okay. I might’ve gotten a little crazy with the fried shallots, but what can I say? I love shallots.
A random thing happening on my desktop right now.
Twice a year swarms of terrible drivers in ill-fitting suits and modest dresses descend on downtown Salt Lake City to attend a big Mormon conference. And each time for as long as I can remember, the weather turns cold and wet. Weird coincidence, no?
Ridiculous emails require ridiculous responses.
I used to really over-think things. Now I really under-think things. I don’t know at what point this switched, because I don’t remember a point where there was a happy middle.
This thought brought to you without much thought.
“Hey man, you got any weed?”
Whatever, I was just adding shadows to shit anyway.
I laughed SO hard at this.
Google co-founder Larry Page brought up a good point yesterday at the conference that I’m attending: if we spent more money on reporters in the foreign wars we’re entangled in, the overall cost of the war would likely go down due to the excesses being reported. Checks and balances: not just good for legislators.
I used to wear glasses. They were green, titanium wire frames. Going through pictures from a 2002 trip to Europe, *that’s* what stands out to me. That I used to wear glasses. Et tu?
Sometimes all you need is a shot in the arm. I’ve been the shot in the arm for people, and people have been my shot in the arm.
What I did last weekend.
Today in Salt Lake we’ve had snow, hail, thunder and sun. It’s THE END OF APRIL!
Of course, if this teaches us one thing it’s that the majority of climate scientists are wrong. That is, if you take the term “global warming” at face value. Which, I mean, why wouldn’t you? Science is hard. Talking points aren’t.
I don’t have any tattoos but I do have this picture with colored pigment all over me for GPOYW.
If you place a thing in the center of your life that lacks the power to nourish, it will eventually poison everything that you are and destroy you. As simple a thing as an idea or your perspective on yourself or the world. No one can be the source of your content - it lies within, in the center.
E.T. phone home.
Do you like to read? If so, what’s your favorite book?
I do like to read, but I don’t do a whole lot of it anymore. I used to read classics but these days I prefer non-fiction: tales of adventure (“In to Thin Air”, Jon Krakauer), politics (“Confessions of an Economic Hit Man”, John Perkins), history (“A People’s History of the United States”, Howard Zinn), war (“The Rape of Nanking”, Iris Chang), political strife (“First They Killed My Father”, Loung Ung; “Shake Hands with the Devil”, Lt. Gen. Romeo Dallaire). You know, real feel-good stuff. I’d rather be moved by a book than simply entertained.
The book that had the most impact on me was probably “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” by Robert Pirsig. It’s been at least 10 years since I’ve read it though, so maybe it just came along at the right time.
Of course right now I could use something light and comedic. So… anyone have a copy of Sarah Palin’s book that I could borrow?
Star Trek or Star Wars?
Star Wars, I guess? I work on computers for a living (linux no less-completely geeky) and I know I’m supposed to play video games, read comic books, love me some sci-fi, live in my parent’s basement and never get laid, but I’m a terrible geek because none of that applies to me. Well, except the part about never getting laid, that applies.
I could ask something flippant. But what a waste, right? So tell me, Jeb Ro: are you the consistently mellow, friendly guy you seem, or are there times when you tear at the walls?
No, I’m pretty even-tempered (read: boring) and it’s not often I’ll get so upset over something that you wouldn’t want to be around me. I’m a master of keeping things pent up and releasing them little bits at a time, like farts when in mixed company. That being said, it’s hell to be me in my head when I’m upset about something, which again isn’t often. I think I’m secretly Canadian.
Look. I know this isn’t going to mean as much to you as it does to me.
I don’t scared of things that easily. Mainly I’m scared of large insects and people with guns who don’t like me. Nothing else really shakes me to my core the way those two things have a tendency to do. Granted, the people with guns who don’t like me aren’t around all that often. In fact I’m pretty good at avoiding them. But large insects? Fuck.
An unusually large black spider ran across my bed 35 minutes ago as I was on my laptop and watching football. The scream that came out of my mouth could be best described as blood-curdling. I jumped up and put on my boots (gotta protect my feet, ya know). Then I looked for my flip-flops. I don’t know why… but a flip-flop sandal is the quintessential spider killing tool. I realized they were in my car. I ran out to my car, got them, ran back inside. I moved my laptop. I couldn’t see it. It must have gone under the covers. I could not pull back the covers. I made a few phone calls. Yes, I’m a total fucking pussy. I do this whenever a large insect is in my living space. There is no such thing as relaxing, taking a deep breath, or calming down when a large insect is in my living space. It’s not a possibility. I think that it’s similar to a panic attack in that I get overwhelmed with fear, I can’t breathe right and my heart rate is through the roof and the more time that passes, the more it escalates. Not to mention the blatant irrational and illogical thinking which occurs, like “HAIR SPRAY!” The phone calls were to no avail. I looked outside for a neighbor or someone walking their dog. There was no one there.
I went back inside and got Mia, the dog, who eats anything and everything, dead or alive - but in a cute way. I put her on the bed. I got up on the bed, flip-flop in hand. I started to pull back one of the blankets but there was nothing, so I went and stood on my nightstand and moved a pillow. It came crawling down the other side of the pillow, catching me completely off-guard. I screamed, apparently louder than before. I kept yelling “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!” I jumped down and ran to the other side. I lost site of the spider. Mia looked at me. I started yelling at Mia, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING! STOP IT! GET THE SPIDER! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!” The doorbell rang. I got really excited thinking maybe it was an exterminator or something. It was two cops. About an hour before this all happened, I noticed them drive down the street but I didn’t see them stop. Apparently they heard me screaming. I - wearing boots, running shorts, a bikini top, cardigan and holding a black fuckin’ Havana in my hand - looked like a crazy person. My eyes wide as shit, they asked me if everything was okay. I said yes and that there’s a spider somewhere in my bed. They stepped briefly inside to make sure, I guess, that no one was there with a knife. I told them it was fine. I LIED. I SAID IT WAS FINE. I’M A LIAR. I WONDER IF THEY KNEW I WAS LYING. I didn’t want them to think that I would ever call the police because there is a spider in my bed. When I call the police it will be because of my life being in danger or something. I wanted them to know I take them seriously. Plus like, I have an open jar of Sunflower Seed butter and box of oatmeal cookies BEDSIDE that I may or may not have been combining and eating for breakfast/lunch/RIGHTNOW. They left. I said I wouldn’t scream anymore.
I went back to the bed with a whole new kind of determination. I AM BIGGER THAN THE SPIDER, I kept saying in my head. I AM GOING TO KILL THE FUCK OUT OF THIS FUCKING SPIDER. FUCK THAT FUCKING SPIDER. THIS SPIDER IS FUCKING WITH THE WRONG GIRL. THIS SPIDER CRAWLED INTO THE WRONG BED. WELCOME TO YOUR RESTING PLACE, BITCH. I pulled back the first blanket, then the second, then the third and BAM - it fucking shot across from yet another unexpected side and over to the other blankets and WAM I hit it with my flip flop. I didn’t think it was dead, but it wasn’t moving. It’s like at the end of a scary movie where you think they’re dead but they’re not dead because they’re NEVER DEAD. I ran into the bathroom and grabbed my hair spray. I had to look away cause I can never look AT the actual spider, which is the main reason I have trouble killing them in the first place. But I sprayed the fuck out of the spider. Then I ran and got a bundle of paper towels, soaked them with 409, and put it on top of the hair-sprayed spider. I threw off all the blankets, and wrapped it all up in the sheet.
There is now a bundled up white sheet with a dead spider and 409-soaked paper towels sitting in the middle of the driveway in front of the garage. I’m waiting for someone else to take care of it.
I need to wash the rest of my sheets and blankets now.
You know when you laugh at something just a little too hard - it might be really funny, it might not, but you’re in a mood. Maybe you’ve had a couple glasses of wine; maybe you just need a good fucking laugh. And maybe it’s just really that funny. Anyway, this.
Sometimes all you need is a shot in the arm. I’ve been the shot in the arm for people, and people have been my shot in the arm.30 plays
This whole album is EPIC. Elbow, “The Seldom Seen Kid”61 plays
This is my ringtone for a coworker.6 plays
Rumor has it that my favorite local sushi restaurant is setting up shop across the street from my house. If so, I will be petitioning them to create a roll called ‘Goddamn Timpani’ so I can hear people ask “Can I get a Goddamn Timpani Roll?”4 plays
creep e <-click here
- Witchcraft - Franken Sinatra
- Exploration B - Poe and Mark Danielewski
- Pulk/Pull Revolving Doors - Radiohead
- Going to Your Funeral - Eels
- There is Only This Time - The Dandy Warhols
- This Place is Haunted - DeVotchKa
- Black is the Color of My True Love's Hair - Nina Simone
- Videodrones: Questions - Trent Reznor
- Rabbit in Your Headlights [Suburban Hell Remix] - U.N.K.L.E.
- The Game - Love and Rockets
- Fire at the Pageant - The Felice Brothers
- That Day - Poe
- Dawna - Morphine
- How's it Going to End - Tom Waits
- The Moon is Nearly Full - Greg Brown
- Hard Time Killin' Floor Blues - R.L. Burnside
- Humming - Portishead
- St. James Infirmary - Hugh Laurie
Anyway, with many of my friends being vegetarian (and myself being a flexitarian, which I like to think is a double-entendre), I went with an all veggie BBQ. Okay, most of it wasn't grilled, just the sandwiches and some corn con cal en polvo y chile. (I totally just google translated that. I don't speak enough Spanish to know if that's a good translation, but it means lime juice and chili powder.)
So, getting down to what I made, since some people were asking for the recipes:
Grilled Summer Veggie Sandwich (A Jeremiah Favorite):
1 red bell pepper, sliced
1 small zucchini, sliced
1 red onion, sliced
1 small yellow squash, sliced
Focaccia or Ciabatta bread (I prefer Ciabatta)
1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese
Olive oil for brushing on the veggies, about 1/8 cup
For the mayonnaise, which is kinda the pièce de résistance in this recipe:
1/4 cup mayonnaise (homemade if you're feelin' fancy)
3 cloves minced garlic
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1. Preheat the grill. If you're using charcoal in a high elevation like me, you're going to need some time.
2. In a small bowl, mix the mayo, minced garlic, and lemon juice. Put it in the fridge until you're ready to use it.
3. Brush the vegetables with oil. I don't recommend putting them directly on the grill, as they'll likely fall through and there goes your dinner. Put them on something made to hold smaller foods. The onions and bell peppers will cook faster, so put them over less direct heat. On a hot grill, they'll be ready to flip in about 5 minutes. Then, you know, flip them.
4. Spread that mayo on each side of whatever bread you choose, and then throw some crumbled feta on top. Throw them on the grill and cover it. The idea is to lightly toast the bread, while trying to melt the cheese. This is easier said than done. Either way it's going to be delicious.
5. Make a sandwich out of all that shit. Does this step even need to be here?
Sun-dried tomato dip
This one is from the Veganomicon, a book I highly recommend even if you're not vegan. Seriously, just buy it.
2 cups sun-dried tomatoes (dry ones, not the kind packed in oil)
2 cups boiling water
1/2 cup slivered or sliced almonds
1/2 cup cooked white beans, drained (navy beans are good)
2 cloves garlic, chopped coarsely
1/4 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/8 teaspoon salt
Several pinches of freshly ground pepper
Place the tomatoes in a bowl and pour 2 cups of boiling water over them. Cover with a plate and let soak for about 15 minutes.
In a blender or food processor, grind the almonds to a powder. Use a slotted spoon or tongs to remove the tomatoes from the water (don't discard the water) and add them to the almonds. Add the remaining ingredients and puree, adding up to 1/4 cup of the tomato water and scraping down the sides often until smooth.
Cover and chill for at least an hour.
But here's the thing: they suggest putting it on a pita with a cucumber slice and sprouts. DO THIS. It makes it magical. Crackers work too.
And then I made a Jicama-watercress-avocado salad with spicy citrus vinaigrette, also from Veganomicon. I'm not going to share that recipe, you'll just have to buy the book.
Oh, and then there were the icy treats. Apparently I don't eat ice cream as often as I make it, so I had a watermelon sorbet, a gin & tonic sorbet, an olive oil ice cream, and a honey lavender ice cream in my freezer. I can't be sure, but I think most people preferred the olive oil ice cream over the honey lavender. I don't know, I was drunk on watermelon margaritas by this point.
But today while on a walk with my dog Harper, he turned around to sniff a robin standing on the sidewalk. It weird that the bird hadn't moved when Harper walked up, so I pulled Harper back and got closer myself. The bird didn't look injured, but it didn't move even as I moved my hand close. Its eyes weren't alert and wide, but it was obviously looking right at me. And it just STOOD THERE.
I don't know if birds can have a "look" in their eyes. I swear I've seen a look of intent as they've bombed my car. But between the body posture of the bird, its lack of movement as we got close, and the look in its eyes, I felt bad for the bird. It honestly looked like it had lost its will to live and was just begging to be put out of its misery.
I walked away slightly disturbed. A few steps away I saw what might've been the reason for what I saw in the bird's eyes. A tiny, dead bird in the middle of the sidewalk.
Being one of the sportiest motorcycles in the Harley Davidson line, my VRod is not the most comfortable bike for long trips. You can buy accessories that make it more comfortable - things like firmer seats, windshields, and saddle bags. But I have none of these. Well, I have a windshield, but somehow I didn't think about bringing it on my trip to Moab. And so sets the tone for our adventure.
Courtney sent out a text message asking who wanted to join her and Michael for a motorcycle road trip. I waffled, knowing how uncomfortable my trip from Idaho Falls had been, where I had picked up my bike from the eBay seller. But Courtney is some kind of convincinator, and I agreed to go the day before they were leaving. It was me, Courtney & Michael on their touring-style Honda, and their friend Paul on his Honda Shadow.
Knowing the weather would be unpredictable, I wore my leathers - a lined leather jacket and chaps. I had packed everything I needed into an old backpack, save for my huge, 15 year old sleeping bag which I bungeed to my bike on the back.
We left Courtney & Michael's house shortly after 10am on Friday, and after a quick stop in Spanish Fork, we were on our way to Moab on the scenic route of US Highway 89.
We knew we were going to hit some cold spots, specifically through Ephraim, which was going to have a high of 40F. It turned out to be fairly warm through that beautiful stretch between US 6 and Salina. As we fueled up in Salina for our long, 110 mile stretch on I-70, Michael told us that the coldest was behind us. I think his words were "It only gets warmer from here."
Well, after a few dozen miles we started to hit wet asphalt, evidence of rain on the pavement and in the sky ahead. I didn't mind the drizzle or the mist that passing cars sprayed because my leathers kept me comfortable. But we soon decided to stop so the others could put on their rain gear. It really wasn't a moment too soon because then we ran into rain, and at the highest point there was even had snow on the ground. It only gets warmer my ass.
After a stop in Green River to get a burger at Ray's Tavern, we made our final push to Moab. The idea was to get a spot at the Slickrock campground and head back into town for a drink. Well, there wasn't a single available camping spot at the campground. We even drove on a washboard dirt road to find the overflow camping, to no avail. Threatening clouds loomed, so we turned around, determined to find something in another area.
Too late. We were hit with a downpour, rain so heavy and fast that we could've all sworn it was hail for at first. We couldn't drive fast because of the road, which was perfectly suited to hold the water in its depressions and splash us if we didn't pick a good line. Michael got to a point where he couldn't see and was driving blindly *with a passenger* on this bad road. The decision was quickly made to just find a hotel room and split the cost.
Moab was strangely busy, almost like Easter weekend for the Jeep Safari. We probably lucked out when we found the last room of the second hotel we tried. Dinner was at Eddie McStiff's, and we were in bed by 10:30, all of us sore and exhausted from the 300+ miles we had ridden over 7 hours.
After a late breakfast at The Love Muffin Cafe (employees wore t-shirts that said "Go down on our muff"), we headed off to Arches National Park. I've been to Arches dozens of times, but never on a motorcycle. It was brilliant. The weather was perfect, the roads were curvy and open, and the scenery was so much better than what you get from the inside of a car.
We stopped at Balanced Rock and a few random viewpoints, but once Courtney found out that Michael had never seen Delicate Arch, the convincinator worked her magic and coaxed us all into a death march to see the arch. 1 and a half miles; me in my riding boots and jeans, Michael in his flannel-lined jeans, and Paul in his long johns AND flannel-lined jeans. It was perfect riding weather, but it wasn't perfect hiking-in-your-long-johns weather. Once we got to the the arch Paul took off his long johns despite the huge crowd up there, deciding that if anyone gave him grief he'd just act French.
With enough sun to burn my freshly shaven head, we stopped for lunch at Pasta Jays in Moab, and then headed home. Once again we ran into rain and heavy winds, but it wasn't until we jumped on one of the nation's deadliest stretches of highway, US Route 6 between Price and Spanish Fork, that we got downpour rains. Luckily this rain didn't last too long because my helmet would not quit fogging up, making it really difficult to navigate the curvy wet road.